| So... |
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| 12:01pm 04/03/2009 |
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I was just diagnosed with thyroid cancer.
It should be curable, but, well, just thought I'd share... |
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| The day after....and the first day of the rest of my life |
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| 11:21am 30/11/2008 |
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mood:  rejuvenated
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They say that certain things can cause you to have life-changing experiences. I'm extremely pleased to say that I have had one. It was unlike anything I've experienced before.
Television, news, banter, decorations, homes, clothing, beauty, most of the world as most people think of it...it's all just static. It can be amusing, enjoyable, it can touch your heart or make you angry. It can frustrate you or hurt you, but only (as cliche as this sounds) if you let it.
It matters not what we look like, or where we live. How much money we have...how we are perceived by the random passer-by in a grocery store or at the mall. Perhaps we like decorating our bodies by wearing cute clothes and makeup and accessories...but these only matter if you want them to. If these things make you truly happy, and you are at peace with them, and don't let them be a controlling factor in your life...then we should all enjoy them. Most importantly, we should understand why we're enjoying them.
Money only matters because, unless we can honestly be happy living in a hand-made cabin in the middle of land given to us, where we can make everything we need from nature, and gather our own food and necessities...then in this day and age, money *is* a necessity. It's sad and disappointing to know that even the enlightened are truly in need of a cash flow...but we needn't spend frivilously. I only learned this now...I wish I had known it years ago. But I won't waste time on regret, only moving forward and growing from what I have learned and come to be at peace with.
I realized my...not so much purpose in life, but what I will have to do, and be. And I can honestly say today that I'm content and (I know I keep saying it, but) at peace with it. I am a woman who is a nurturer, and who will grow to be a wife, a mother, a nurturer, a teacher, and the rock of my family. There will be tough times ahead, but I believe, in full honesty, that I will rise to meet and defend myself and my family from the trials and tribulations of life. My children will not fully grasp what I do and why, and they may think I'm crazy for it, but I will know what I am doing, and do the absolute best for myself and them. That's fine...the younger generation never understands why the older generation acts the way it does until they're of the age of the older generation they don't understand. With age (or, in actuality, experience) comes understanding. I do not claim to be of a wizened state, as I am still in the first quarter century of my life, but I am open to learning. And this, I believe, will be the cause of my success.
I will have to be strong, and continue to understand life.
I will begin working to make my body match my mind's eye vision of myself. This alone will assist myself in being in complete peace, as while I'm uncomfortable in my own shell, it will be difficult to be comfortable with the world. When I can completely cease my worry of my appearance, it will no longer be a part of me, and will leave me free to enjoy my life as I should. I am displeased that I have allowed my own impulses and, yes, laziness to allow myself to appear as something that I am not. That I have allowed myself to be trapped inside a shell that is unhealthy and, for a while now, content with being so.
I do enjoy food. It is a part of me, and I'm pleased to find happiness in food. Food, while its main purpose is to provide sustenance to the body, is a gift to our senses. Its smell can arouse pleasant memories. Its appearance can be an art form. Its consistency is part of the experience. The sound of a meal being prepared, sizzling and popping or bubbling, or even the sounds of the silverware or dishes it will be served with, can be a delight. And last, but definitely far from least, comes the taste...and delicious food, well, we all know what it can do to our minds, our bodies, even the chemicals released in your bodies.
It should be savored, though, and not eaten with abandon or from boredom. We're told to take time to stop and smell the roses...but in this fat-fearing and rush-based society, it's rare that a gem set in a growing mind is to take time to stop and enjoy the food.
I'm becoming at peace with myself, and so, becoming at peace with the world. Things are unfair, sure, but what matters is how we look at it. Was our stroke of bad luck, perhaps, the universe returning negative energy? The idea of karma is not one that should be handled lightly. In all our deliberations, we should contemplate the possibilities of outcomes. If we are handed money, will it truly be enjoyed? If we are handed a bad situation, will we sink under the weight of it, or work over it piece by piece until a resolution that's peaceful for all involved can be reached?
Our lives are not measured by our accomplishments and life overall, as a whole, but by how we treat each day, each situation, each person we meet, and each trial that comes through our life.
If we take the things we are undeserving of...
Try to control things which we have no way of controlling...
Treat others with disrespect...
Feel poorly about those of other mindsets (unless, of course, they are poorly impacting others)...
Abuse the gifts of goodness...
Abuse drugs or alcohol...
Look in the mirror and hate what we see...
Look at others and hate what we see...
Spend our lives in the mundane, focusing on the superficial and the things which are, in the grand scheme of things, unimportant...
Then we will have abused our gift of life, and will have passed in and out of this plane of existence without learning, growing, or contributing anything at all to the betterment of ourselves or others.
We should not take life for granted. We should not have unwanted children. We should not copulate with those we have no feelings for.
We should not abuse or manipulate lives we have created. Creating life is not frivilous...the act of creating life says that we will hone and love and respect and teach that life we are creating.
I'm not quite sure how to end all of this. However, I believe it needs not an ending, for I'm not saying everything on my mind, or everything learned. I am only just beginning. |
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| Wow. Obama. |
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| 09:03am 05/11/2008 |
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Americans have elected the first black president.
It's amazing.
Whether you like the man or not, whether you're excited for the change he wants to bring about, or you're building up your bomb shelter already....we're living through some amazing history.
Obama winning the election shows that, despite what a lot of people truly believe in their heart of hearts, race is NOT as big of an issue as it was even twenty, thirty years ago.
I am truly shocked that the electoral votes produced the landslide victory we saw.
There are still racist, powerful, rich people in the country. People who tried their best to make a fool out of Obama, or to foil his plans. People who will, for the next four or eight years, continually slander this man. We saw it with Bush, despite all his supporters. He was made into a laughing stock. They will attempt to do the same with Obama, attempting to chastise every decision he makes that they do not agree with.
Sadly, there are a lot of these people who are ignorant, and own guns, which they are not afraid to use. This is frightening, but I believe that our generation does NOT need, nor want, another tragedy. Nobody in America needs that now. I know that there are probably a lot of people who would love him off the planet, but not only is it horrible, it would also instill fear and lost hope in the populus. This is not something the country, or the world as a whole, needs. I only hope that Obama receives the best, most intense protection that could ever be provided.
When you make a significant change in the way something is done for a long time, you always receive criticism. You're told you're doing it wrong, that the old way is best.
Obama, keep your head high, and continue to believe in yourself, and in your visions.
Yes he can, but he's going to need the help of the masses.
Don't let this be a repeat of the last eight years. Let's actually support our president, and not sit by with our hands folded as he's ridiculed and bashed and made to look like a young idiot. He's not. And if, by some wild chance, he is....then he'll grow up. Real fast.
Love him or hate him, he's here for the next four years. Be excited, or pray for 2012...either way, give him a hand for all the work he's done to come so far. |
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| 02:35pm 07/04/2008 |
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mood:  loved music: whatever's on the telly
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Wow. It's been forever since I've posted here. I'm usually over on myspace, posting about myself, my friends...sometimes my poetry. :3
So...I have no idea if people even look here anymore. (If you do, post something to say hi!!! Post your myspace if you want to keep in touch :D)
I wanted to put a little update here, since as everyone knows, I bounce from one bad relationship to the next. Always being hurt, used, lied to...and always having to lie and justify and fool myself (and try to fool others) into thinking I'm in a healthy relationship.
Finally, it's happened to me. And I couldn't be happier if I tried. I didn't think it was possible to have such feelings...I didn't know they existed. I sometimes now feel full to bursting, so filled to the brim with happiness and emotion. It's crazy...but I love it.
Elgin is the best, most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. I couldn't have imagined or dreamed of creating someone so wonderful. He treats me like a princess, is all about me, and just wants my happiness. It's something I have never experienced..............and yet, he says he wants to treat me like this, and be with me...forever.
We've talked about such amazing things that I never thought was feasible for me, for my life.
I now have a future to look forward to. And someone by my side.
I am so crazy in love. |
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| I had forgotten... |
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| 03:01pm 30/07/2007 |
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How hard it is to type with fake nails. XD Or fasten a bra. Or a multitude of things. Oops.
But they look rad. XP |
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| I miss you, cupcake! |
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| 01:45pm 26/07/2007 |
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Thank you, Gir.
ahem.
So. Harry Potter. It's over. :( But.......wow.
Just....wow. |
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| Dear Die-ary, |
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| 11:27am 20/07/2007 |
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JTHM, how I have missed you! It's been about 7 or 8 years since I last read the comics..........and wow, I feel like I've been missing something all this time. X3
And no wonder why I'm so severely fucked up. D:
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS comes out in 12.5 hours! I am psyched.....and sad. I do not want this era to come to a close. Waaah.
I think tomorrow will have a lot of tears as I'm reading. ;-;
See you next week, internetz. |
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| Rawr. |
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| 03:55pm 10/07/2007 |
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mood:  ditzy
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I can't get tickets to any Harry Potter midnight shows tonight. I R NOT HAPPEE! >_<
I could get tickets to a downtown show, but I can't get home. >_<
Watch me pout. >(
My fault. I was purposely avoiding all things Harry Potter to avoid spoilers---purposely not looking at pictures or clips of the movie, and above all things, DEFINITELY not wanting any spoilers of the new book.
So my payment for this is that I miss the fact that they pushed up the release date of the movie. Oops.
On a different note....
My hair! It is black and pink. *grin* I can't seem to get a decent picture of it with my cell phone. -shrug- This is the only one that is halfway decent, and it barely shows: Picture!
Still kinda seeing that same guy who loves to torture me. Usually I see him on Tuesdays, but he's busy...oh well. Going to his house party on Friday night.
There's another guy I've been seeing. He's very sweet, very cute, pretty funny....a bit too wild & ADDish for my tastes at times. And I feel awful, because when he kisses me, I pretend he's the aforementioned guy....... =/
Oh yeah, and for anyone who might still remember the mistake that was my last "relationship," he's a complete thing of the past now. I severed contact with him two weeks ago, haven't heard a thing, and couldn't be happier. :}
Off! |
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| *grin* |
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| 04:32pm 26/06/2007 |
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I was telling my friend Olga about my hair...
Me: "It used to be a lot longer, all golden blond, and really curly."
Olga: "What did you look like?"
Me: -snort- "Like Goldilocks."
Olga: "Now you look like the black pearl!"
Me: "Does that mean Johnny Depp's gonna ride me??"
=D |
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| omigod |
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| 07:57am 15/06/2007 |
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My Meds CD is skipping. I think I want to cry. D:
More of an update:
Very happy. Gary's a sweetheart, and he's actually GENUINE. Amazing.
More later. Maybe.
This orange juice is very....un-orangey tasting. Dammit. Need more pineapple-orange for that early morning zing! X3 |
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| Happily content |
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| 01:07pm 12/06/2007 |
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mood:  :) music: Wake Me Up When September Ends - Green Day
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There's some stuff going on with the ex....not sure what to do with it. He wants to reinitiate a physical relationship....and while part of me definitely wants him, the rational side of me says NO. We wouldn't be "together," just.....yeah. I'm really torn.
If I had had him alone last night, I think I probably would have caved. We still turn each other on. We still care for one another. And I think that makes it even harder. Why can't my bits of hatred for what he's done to me actually just stick as HATE? *sigh*
But for right now, I'm very content. I'm still seeing the same guy. We have yet to consummate our relationship, but there's definitely the mutual attraction and like...we both love talking to each other, and talk we do, for hours and hours, in person, online, on the phone....
And no mushy bullshit either, or hiding anything. We've talked about everything from ghosts to aliens to exes to what we honestly want and won't tolerate. I think it's a wonderful way to start any relationship...we spent a lot of time together for almost two weeks before even a quick first kiss, and it was almost three weeks before more than a simple kiss.
Am I going to jump in and say it's love? No. I'm not sure I want it to be. I like him too much to want to fall in love with him...not right now, so soon, at least. Maybe months from now, sure, I won't purge the idea from my mind. But I'm not sure what he wants from me, and I'm not really sure what I want from him, so jumping in would be silly.
For now, I like what's going on. We go out, walk around, hang out, listen to music, watch movies, we've gone to a play, to a couple bars, hung out with each others' friends...it's niceness. I like. :)
And he's ridiculously cute, and doesn't realize it. XD
And now.....I must go shower, and make myself cute(r) for him. Meeting him in a few hours, and we'll have the whole evening together. :D |
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| Ack! Tortured!! |
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| 01:50am 05/06/2007 |
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mood:  sleepy
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So....the last one is history. And may he stay there eternally. >_>
Life's been good, through it all. Have been having a lot of fun lately...keeping pretty busy.
There's also a boy who's been getting a lot of my attention. ^^ I hope things go well with him. He seems to really like me, and I find him rather awesome too. XD I know he's not looking for anything serious, and I'm fine with that...casual dating and sex is always fine. ;P
Tonight, he tortured the hell out of me. XD Or he says I tortured myself. Hehe. Lots of making out, and then he said he had to get some sleep, and teased me for being used to getting my way. Haha, jerk. :P But he's still awesome.
I just keep making myself all ready for nothing. :P
Oy...I'm tired; need to sleeep. No work tomorrow; woot. Sadly, I must be home in the evening. D: |
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| Life. |
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| 08:03pm 26/05/2007 |
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It's been rather sucky. Ugh. >_>
I'm tired of the bullshit.
I'm sick of crying.
It's going to end.
On a happier note, I've met some really cool people lately. May be meeting another one tonight. |
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| How... |
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| 08:53am 17/04/2007 |
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How is it that three short, little words, coming from a particular person, can make you so ridiculously happy? |
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| Auuuuuuuugh! |
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| 06:36am 23/03/2007 |
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Y'know.
Some girls, at their time of the month, get cramps.
Some get sick.
Some act like utter bitches.
Some get emotional and cry at the drop of a hat, and depressed and stupid and grumpy and sometimes are these things to the point of being rude.
Goddammit, I wish I were in one of those first two categories! |
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| Please |
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| 05:49pm 22/03/2007 |
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Get me the hell out of this place. |
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| Bleh. |
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| 07:44am 21/03/2007 |
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I feel kinda sick. Gr.
Why do I always do this to myself? Augh.
Oh well.
Breathe. |
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| Oh dear god |
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| 01:20am 16/03/2007 |
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I'm shocked.
O_o
On a random search of theatre shows playing anywhere near me, I remembered that Phantom of the Opera was doing a shorter, supposedly spectacular show in Las Vegas.
It's a wicked short and cheap flight, to Las Vegas from here, and I'd love to see the strip some day (well, besides just seeing it from the air, though that was pretty cool!)...so I figured I'd check prices.
HAHAHAHAHAH $150 per seat.
*snicker*
yeah.
so.
I don't think that's gonna happen ANY. TIME. SOON.
Christ! XD I kinda wanna cry and laugh at the same time. That's ridiculous. |
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| Well |
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| 12:47am 16/03/2007 |
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I have issues.
That's pretty clear.
But.......I am loved, and that makes all the difference. And makes my life more livable, and every day more enjoyable. The rain and lack of sun doesn't seem so bad when you know there's someone whose day can be lightened up just by seeing you smile.
And that your day can be brightened by just hearing their voice. |
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| Get rid of this? |
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| 10:41am 20/02/2007 |
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*************************************
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*************************************
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So I realized, and I mean this in a non-emo, non attention-getting way, that people have just stopped reading my LJ, or at least just don't comment. (Not necessary for you to defend yourself with an "omg no i love youuu!" comment X3)
I'm really curious if people actually care anymore, or if it's just due to my out-of-date info and largely loaded, uncut flist that includes people I'm no longer in touch with, and haven't been in touch with for two years? XD
But if you read this, I don't care if you care about me or hate me or whatever...leave a comment. XD It can be unrelated, you can just say "-" or make a goofy emoticon or whatever. It can be anonymous, too. I don't check IPs.
Reason?
I'm trying to see if I should make a new LJ, and move my important info and friends there.....or if I should stay here.
However, if there are enough people who actually *do* poke over here, well...I'll keep this. Whether I change the name or not.
Got it?
Good.
Thanks. And seriously...if you're reading this at ALL, at any date, be it in 2006 or 2020, leave a comment of some sort.
It's much appreciated. ^^ |
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